Becoming Illegal

(Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington , DC 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent, ( hoping to reach 'illegal alien' status rather than just a bonafide citizen of the USA )

Donald Ruppert Burlington , IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service at 1-800-289-1040.

Terrorist Preparedness Bill

Okay, what's this all about?
Any ideas?
Body bags, [classified]. Biological weapons...

Rep. John Haller Introduces A Bill ---

Congress will now vote for approval of HR8791, the "Homeland Terrorism Preparedness Bill." Said bill requests emergency response funding, up to and including -- ah... I'm sorry this section is classified -- ah, dollars to prepare for a national level terrorist attack and or attacks from ... [CLASSIFIED]. Funding for first responder personnel and vehicles would be doubled if said attack leads to more than eighty percent of national population being effected by [CLASSIFIED]. This funding shall convenes in conjunction with the first attack on [CLASSIFIED], or the first large scale outbreak of [CLASSIFIED], dependent upon which comes first...

...Should event occur in urban areas... Jesus... -long pause- ah... that's classified... far surpassing our darkest nightmares. Should casualties exceed [CLASSIFIED] body disposal actions shall be halted and associated resources shall be reallocated through [CLASSIFIED] underground [CLASSIFIED] protected birthing centers. -ah- New Bill of Rights shall drafted and approved by [CLASSIFIED].


For more information regarding this shocking bill, go to: http://tinyurl.com/2zwxk9
p.s. John Murtha is from Penn dist 12...